It's a damn cold night...

Forgiving is love's toughest work, and love's biggest risk. To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.
いつか失ってしまうのかな。薄れてゆく笑顔と君を守りたい。
-- D-technolife

If fate is a wheel, then we are the sand that is crushed between the cogs.

Don't judge a life by one difficult season.

独自并不代表孤单,在一群人中狂笑着有时更寂寞。
-- 吴庆康

At times it may not even seem rational, but the heart has a computing ability that is far more accurate and far more precise than anything within the limits of rational thought.
-- Deepak Chopra
于是我让孤独更孤独,有一种不是悲伤的悲伤,才是刻骨铭心的悲伤。
Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love.
-- St Francis.
People's actions are influenced by their expectations. People respond not just to what is happening now, but to what they anticipate will happen in the future.
-- Sloman
不管你会不会忘了我,我只想告诉你一个秘密。
--《不能说的·秘密》

Every action generates a force of energy that returns to us in like kind.
-- Deepak Chopra

The furthest distance in the world is not between life and death but when I stand in front of you yet you don't know that I love you.
-- Tagore
Do do not worry about tomorrow; it will have enough worries of its own. There is no need to add to the troubles each day brings.
-- Matt 6:34

まだ不器用に笑うね まだ悲しみが似合うから
キミに降る痛みを 拭ってあげたい すべて I for you
-- I For You

the optimistic pessimist

supposedly an adult, she thinks like an adult (too much, if you ask me). deep inside, she is nothing but a little girl, with her little lofty dreams and ideals. and oops, she is breaking them, one by one.
more often than not, she is just an angsty emo kid.

she is only but
a passer-by,

an onlooker,
a walking shadow.

and this girl can't stop writing.

she stalks

|| cyn bea bao zou mel ||
|| joan weepz ||
|| blockc yeanching lehia kexi zhenlin horace alvin dina sandra becca tzehee ||
|| cruzteng peifen dasmondkoh ||
|| xiaozhu xiaogui sunxiezhi ashin kangyong ||
|| derrick jinglun stefsun natho lawrencewong ||
|| feliciachin joannepeh jeanetteaw sharonaw ||
|| xiaohan hyr chimkang mingde dannyyeo ||
|| xuyunling alvinology mrbrown esther ||
|| drbondar psychdigest ||
|| kfdrawing iwrotethisforyou thingsweforget ||

After all, what is in the past but what we choose to remember? They can choose not to hide it, to take what's broken, to feel the pain and know that it will heal. They know where happiness lies, not in a cave or a country, but in love and the freedom to give and take what has been there all along.
-- The Bonesetter's Daughter

she watches on

Others desire to experience the blessedness of giving, but we often frustrate them by refusing their help.


“你有心事吗?”
“或许有一天,我会告诉你吧。”
--《不能说的·秘密》

she holds on

 Memories were also a way of looking in a mirror, but it was a jagged mirror of broken glass, one that cast imperfect reflections. Like shards, these memories drew blood.

February 2003 March 2003 April 2003 May 2003 June 2003 July 2003 September 2003 October 2003 November 2003 December 2003 January 2004 February 2004 March 2004 April 2004 May 2004 June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 January 2012 February 2012 April 2012 May 2012 June 2012 July 2012 August 2012 October 2012 November 2012 December 2012 January 2013 February 2013 March 2013 April 2013 May 2013 June 2013 July 2013 August 2013 September 2013 October 2013 November 2013 December 2013 January 2014 February 2014 March 2014 April 2014 May 2014 June 2014 July 2014 August 2014 September 2014 October 2014 November 2014 December 2014 January 2015 February 2015 March 2015 April 2015 May 2015 July 2015 September 2015 October 2015 November 2015 December 2015 January 2016 February 2016 March 2016 April 2016 May 2016 June 2016 August 2016 September 2016 October 2016 November 2016 December 2016 January 2017 February 2017 April 2017 May 2017 August 2017 September 2017 October 2017 November 2017 December 2017 January 2018 February 2018 April 2018 June 2018 July 2018 September 2018 October 2018 November 2018 December 2018 February 2019 April 2019 June 2019 August 2019 October 2019 December 2019 January 2020 February 2020 March 2020 April 2020 May 2020 July 2020 November 2020 February 2021 April 2021 July 2021 September 2021 November 2021 March 2022

she never gets

永远不会交的功课 || 永远不会实现的愿望

|| you ||

Responsibility means not blaming anyone or anything for your situation, including yourself... Whatever relationships you have attracted in your life at this moment are precisely the ones you need in your life at this moment. There is a hidden meaning behind all events, and this hidden meaning is serving your own evolution.
-- Deepak Chopra

she thanks

Designer : Wei Jun
Brushes : Deviantart - Spy Glass

I don't know, I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I'm a pair of eyes and ears, and I'm just trying to stay safe and make sense of what's happening. I know what to avoid, what to worry about.I'm like those kids who live with gunfire going off around them. I don't want pain. I don't want to die. I don't want to see other people around me die. But I don't have anything left inside me to figure out where I fit in or what I want. If I want anything, it's to know what's possible to want.
-- The Bonesetter's Daughter

Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
Hebrews 11:1

Friday, March 21, 2008
withers away @ 10:21 pm

watching this jdrama called my boss my hero. its really funny, but not meaningless, which is wad made it so enjoyable to watch. finally smth that's not abt too cheesy a love, not abt adulthood, not abt workplace politics or the likes of it. its abt youth, a time which has slipped me by though i still try to grab onto it. how i wish i could still do crazy things. how i wish i could not take up responsibilities. how i wish i was still at a wilful age. having to surpress so many emotions; its tough. oh well, who says growing up was easy anywayXP
your debt has been paid for in full, regardless of the gravity of the mistake you've made.

It's something Mystical

Tuesday, March 18, 2008
withers away @ 11:59 pm

hopefully nth screws tml. already screwed.
你收得干净,我也会不留一点痕迹。

It's something Mystical

Monday, March 17, 2008
withers away @ 12:52 pm

like how i told yi hern, even im proud of them, let alone him.
we did it.
of coz it wasn't the best choral singing ever, in terms of technique and what have u. but looking at what we had, where we came from, as a hall choir, it was fantastic, even a little surreal. it sorta reminded me of how nj guitar came from an unimportant cca in sch to one that attained a gold in syf, and later, gwh, and now, a grp worthy of performing in esplanade itself.
i loved that moment on stage. and the seconds before the curtain opened. that v familiar anticipation, with a bunch of singers who were still acting funny behind the curtain, and an equally funny yet nervous conductor. the way we sang salve, it wasn't perfect i knew, but it just felt really good. i guess emotions are much more important than technique, smth that i've always believed in when making music. the tingling sensation i felt once again, when singing in ny choir, playing in nj guitar, singing in hall choir last yr, and it came back again last night, when we ended our last note of salve.
the medley was for enjoyment really. and there were still last min changes the day before during the rehearsal that we screwed up. but there wasn't anything major last night. in fact i think they were great. true that we didnt make an impact strong enough. i dunno how much they smiled, how the whole picture looked like. but we came from nthg to smth. how edlina and i worked through the night to churn out the choreo, how yi hern and us laughed over the even more cheesy choreo he did in consort, and how we taught the choir, finetuned their actions, reminded them time and again to sway and smile. it would all be a lovely memory.
i believe we made a good opening.
im a happy girl. thank you.

It's something Mystical

Friday, March 14, 2008
withers away @ 7:59 pm

i really dun understand. why make me wait like that? like a moron i sit there waiting for u to come. ARGH.

It's something Mystical

Thursday, March 13, 2008
withers away @ 2:10 pm

really damn sian now.. the weather isn't helping. i always just wanna lie on the bed and do nothing. the long long bitching session last night was pretty enjoyable HAHA. hiya just hope things wun screw up major.
amplitude is smth i hope really turns out good, esp when im involved in churning out and teaching the choreo as well, making it a little different frm what i used to do, which is simply singing. coz its smth im proud of, and can be proud of, hopefully someone will be able to tell me that its a good job done, not for paying lip service, but really coz its a good job done. its a little more than what i wanted in the past, which is just to enjoy myself on stage, but i dun think its too much to ask for. or maybe it is.
why take your head and bang against the wall?! just so to make sure it is a wall.

It's something Mystical

Tuesday, March 11, 2008
withers away @ 4:01 pm

that lonesome road

walk down that lonesome road
all by yourself
don't turn your head
back over your shoulder

and only stop to rest yourself
when the silver moon
is shining high
above the trees

if i had stopped to listen once or twice
if i had closed my mouth and opened my eyes
if i had cooled my head and warmed my heart
i'd not be on this road tonight

carry on
never run feeling sorry for yourself
it doesn't save you from your troubled mind

walk down that lonesome road
all by yourself
don't turn your head
back over your shoulder

and only stop to rest yourself
when the silver moon
is shining high
above the trees

It's something Mystical

Monday, March 10, 2008
withers away @ 1:14 am

要经过多少岁月,经历多少事情,才能走到红毯的另一端?
老了就是老了,连喝喜酒这种简单的事也变得不简单了。

It's something Mystical